Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
