Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
