She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Houston, we have a squirter
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
