you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
