you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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