Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize