why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
