Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
