So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
