I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
