I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
