Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
