New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the night ended with taco bell and tears
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
