I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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