I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
