I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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