Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
