She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize