I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
