Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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