it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
