I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize