When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
