Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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