Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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