I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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