He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
