Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize