Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
