considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am naked and annoyed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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