Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
