He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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