If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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