Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize