i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
