I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Randomize
