Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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