how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize