He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
