You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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