She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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