I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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