So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize