I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
