I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
