I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
