you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
