We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
