im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
