I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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