I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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