i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
