you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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