I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
