im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont even know how to be here
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
