Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
