I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
