; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
