At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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