come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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