things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it hurts more in the daytime
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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