If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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