Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
