bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
