party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize