I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
