i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
