You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
