my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
