There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
