he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
