Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
