is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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