I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
