do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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