I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
