Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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