That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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