I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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