so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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