So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
soo... how was my night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
