The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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