ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
