at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
