Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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