So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
