Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize