dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
